1/30/2005

Lovecraft Mythos

Filed under: — Eternal @ 5:50 am
After reading my first H.P. Lovecraft book, I researched some of the occult and cult following of related ideas. I’ve found that Lovecraft has followings in the theological philosophy fields, biological, and geological, and of course Science Fiction communities as well. The Following is a sorted excerpt from Wikipedia.

When Lovecraft conceived his imaginary mythology, he apparently never laid out a definitive plan to follow. [Probably due to being paid as a pulp writer in the 1930’s] Instead, he simply launched into writing his stories, adding matter-of-fact references to the various deities and monsters of the mythos. Furthermore, Lovecraft often used these references capriciously, indicating that he probably favored drama over consistency (a noteworthy example is Lovecraft’s use of Old Ones, a term whose meaning varied from story to story). Lovecraft’s central deities are Azathoth and Yog-Sothoth, both representing opposing cosmic principles. Azathoth, the “blind and idiotic” ruler of the pantheon, occupies the literal center of the universe, whereas Yog-Sothoth, Azathoth’s co-ruler, embodies the infinite, existing in all places and in all times. Next in the hierarchy is Shub-Niggurath (whom Lovecraft mentions but never describes in his stories), representing a kind of pagan fertility god. Attending Azathoth at his court are the Other Gods, mysterious beings that dance mindlessly around Azathoth’s throne in cadence to the piping of a demonic flute, and Nyarlathotep, the avatar and messenger of Azathoth and the Other Gods. Nyarlathotep is the only being that can interact intelligently with human beings, though he often manifests himself in human form to disguise his true appearance. The topmost tier of deities is served by earthbound, non-human beings. Cthulu is regarded as the priest of the gods, while Dagon appears to be his subordinate. The lowest tier consists of the Elder Things and the Mi-go, both extraterrestrial races, and the Deep Ones, ocean-dwelling humanoids, which serve Cthulhu and Dagon. Because of the additions of later authors, the mythos pantheon has grown considerably and is now populated by deities and beings never conceived of by Lovecraft. Nevertheless, the original schema, which places Azathoth and Yog-Sothoth at the top of the pantheon, is still widely recognized by many mythos writers.

According to Robert M. Price [Pulp writer of Conan, and peer to Lovecraft] in his essay “Lovecraft’s ‘Artificial Mythology’", Lovecraft never intended his pantheon of beings—occasionally referred to as the Old Ones—to be supernatural creatures but instead powerful extraterrestrials. For naive humans to worship these beings as gods or to deride them as devils was to feebly attempt to anthropomorphize them and thus render them into mundane and explainable terms. What early humans could not understand they characterized as divine; thus, prescientific cultures deified incomprehensible entities like Azathoth. Though humans might try to placate or earn the favor of these beings by worshiping them, the Old Ones were not welcoming of such veneration and moreover were quick to exploit their gullible worshipers to further their own agenda.

Lovecraft’s inspiration was to tear humanity from its supposed vaunted place in the universe by forcing his characters to confront alien beings far older and wiser than humankind. Unfortunately, August Derleth, as well as other writers who followed after him, misinterpreted Lovecraft’s original conception and took the Old Ones to be literally supernatural and godlike. Derleth further distorted Lovecraft’s vision by concocting a parallel to the Christian narrative of Satan warring against Heaven, pairing the devils of Lovecraft’s mythos (the Old Ones) against a race of benevolent Elder Gods with humanity’s fate hanging in the balance. “Religious fiction” of this sort could not be further from Lovecraft’s fundamental notion of an indifferent, nihilistic universe.

1/27/2005

Cthulu Mythos

Filed under: — Eternal @ 5:49 am
It’s interesting that I’ve seen the word Cthulu a lot, and finally decided to find out what the whole thing was about once reading about it in the book “At the Mountains of Madness” by H.P. Lovecraft. Since studying I have found that he was actually the creater of the cthulu as well as the necronomicon. Cthulu Mythos is also known as Lovecraft Mythos. Wikipediasays:

The mythos is centered on the Great Old Ones, a fearsome assortment of ancient, powerful deities that once ruled the Earth. They are presently quiescent, having fallen into a death-like sleep at some time in the distant past. The most well-known of these beings is Cthulhu, who currently lies “dead [but] dreaming” in the submerged city of R’lyeh somewhere in the Southeast Pacific Ocean. One day, “when the stars are right", R’lyeh will rise from beneath the sea, and Cthulhu will awaken and wreak havoc on the earth. Despite his notoriety, Cthulhu is not the most powerful of the deities nor is he the theological center of the mythos. Instead, this position is held by the demon-god Azathoth, an Outer God, ruling from his cosmically-centered court. Nonetheless, Nyarlathotep, who fulfills Azathoth’s random urges, has intervened more frequently and more directly in human affairs than any other Outer God. He has also displayed more blatant contempt for humanity, including his own worshipers, than almost any other Lovecraftian deity.

1/24/2005

Deus Ex Machina

Filed under: — Eternal @ 5:27 am
Wikipediasays:

Deus ex machina is Latin for “god from the machine.” It originated with Greek and Roman theater, when a mechane would lower actors playing a god or gods on stage to resolve a hopeless situation. Thus, “god comes from the machine". The phrase deus ex machina has been extended to refer to any resolution to a story which does not pay due regard to the story’s internal logic and is so unlikely it challenges suspension of disbelief, and presumably allows the author to end it in the way he or she wanted. In short, deus ex machina refers to a cop out plot device. In modern terms the Deus ex machina has also come to describe a person or thing that suddenly arrives and solves a seemingly insoluble difficulty. While in story telling this seems like cheating, in life, this type of figure might be welcome and heroic. The notion of Deus ex machina can also be applied to a revelation within a story experienced by a character, narrator, etc, which involves the individual realizing that the complicated, sometimes perilous or mundane and perhaps seemingly unrelated sequence of events leading up to this point in the story are joined together by some profound concept. Thus the unexpected and timely intervention is aimed at the meaning of the story rather than a physical event in the plot.

I love the phrase, and love what it means to me (which is other than its definition), but I think its a quite introspectively interesting critique when used by Donnie Darko.

1/21/2005

The Numbers Lady

Filed under: — Eternal @ 5:07 am
I heard of Glynis McCants, The Numbers Lady as a guest on a rerun of George Noory’s Coast-to-Coast am.
So, here are my numbers and what she says they stand for.
LifePath: 9

NINES are the natural leader. People assume they are in charge even if they are not. If in a department store, people think they work there. They take care of everyone else but need to learn to speak up when they need help, love, and hugs. 9s often feel unloved or abandoned by their mother or father, or they feel completely responsible for them. It’s hard for them to let go of the past.

Attitude: 7

The 7 Attitude. You don’t get to know what they’re thinking or feeling. They keep to themselves and are introspective. They must continue studying the quest of why they are here: The 7 Attitude asks the big questions.
They will reveal themselves slowly as they go. They can shut down and make you feel they are not remotely interested in what you are saying, but the joke is on you because they are the ultimate observers. They don’t miss anything.

Nick’s (my bro) Lifepath number is also 9, However his Attitude Number is 5:

The 5 Attitude is playful and fun. Here are examples of some clients. One of them sent me her picture sitting on an elephant in Sri Lanka. Another for her 40th birthday went down a raft in the Grand Canyon and on her 50″1 birthday was at the top of the Eiffel Tower. See how they need to go and look at this world? They can’t wait to go and experience other parts of the planet, and if they get stuck in a situation, it’s too dramatic and they wind up playing the martyr. So better a 5 get out there. It’s all about adventure and excitement. They love to flirt and they’re usually the life of the party.

Our Sister, Kelli has a 5 for a Lifepath Number, and a 9 for Attitude Number:

FIVES seek freedom, fun, adventure. If they do not live the adventure, their lives become way too dramatic. They are the natural detectives and celebrators of life (holidays are usually their specialty). 5s have a hard time settling down and have a fear of being trapped or smothered in a relationship.

The 9 Attitude: The 9 is the leader. At work they’ll not just do their job but everyone else’s. That’s the Attitude Number 9: show me what to do, I’ll do it. When it’s over, they’re exhausted and drained, but rarely allow them selves to tell the people responsible. They need to establish boundaries so that they will not feel depleted by the people in their life.The Attitude Number 9 may have old family pain that haunts them, and the 9 must work through these emotions in order to be happy today.

1/18/2005

The Sword of Damocles

Filed under: — Eternal @ 6:34 pm
A tale of Cicero. http://www.livius.org/sh-si/sicily/sicily_t11.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Damocles

12/22/2004

The Kung Fu Gods

Filed under: — Eternal @ 1:24 am
Bruce Lee, Jet Li, and Jackie Chan; in my opinion, are the gods of Martial Arts. Despite the plentitude of great Martial Artists unknown to me, out of the famous Martial Artists, these three are king. I have found that wherever martial arts are found in movies, Kung Fu, and the Chinese seem to dominate. Jackie Chan and his Chinese Opera friends have always been into entertainment at the slapstick level. Bruce Lee has always been major part in everything involved in the movies he’s starred in. He took roles in which he thought some sort of learning experience or moral was taught with every action. Bruce Lee also moved towards teaching his own views of the way of Martial Arts toward the end of his career. Jet Li seems to take various roles across the board, always portraying Jet Li as The Man, or The Master.
The Least of these men in my opinion is Jackie Chan. His training in Peking Opera forms the structure of all his movies, allowing for his balance, acrobatics, timing, and martial arts to shine through superb choreography. Jackie Chan is fast and entertaining. He stands as the role model in choreographed Hollywood style Martial Arts. One beautiful part about Jackie Chan is that he has come to the point where he choreographs his own fights and movies; in order to give his fight scenes originality and beauty.
Jet Li is a god of the art of Kung Fu. The various other techniques he’s also mastered, or at least shines in, include Weapons Training and Wushu. Jet Li is the master of Kung Fu in speed, agility, and especially in form. His form and technique are as beautiful and correct as one could hope for. The disappointing aspect of some of Jet Li’s films is the most obvious use of ropes for the stunts Jet Li performs. Though the use of ropes may simply be used to help with balance and act as safeguards in case of necessity, its use in doing moves that look utterly impossible without ropes is disappointing. However, Jet Li’s Wushu stunts are performed as amazingly as his Kung Fu, but mixed with a very original style of Chinese Opera, can at time make ropes necessary, though overwhelming; destroying any realism of the visual realm. Jet Li, maintains status, in my eyes, as an overall Kung Fu god.
I recognize Bruce Lee as the god of Martial Arts, challenging the tradition and unity of the past, and of Kung Fu and its counterpart martial arts, to surpass greatness to a nuance of the supernatural, a glimpse of the Uberman. Many philosophers, teachers, and leaders encourage and challenge others to achieve heightened states seemingly beyond human capacity, but Bruce Lee was the exception that had achieved what he taught. Bruce Lee mastered, dismantled, and became one with multiple martial arts, finding and teaching that the techniques were useful, but to live by a technique, though it may bring one to greatness, will limit him, by that same technique from achieving his potential.
In mastering, revamping, and reusing various martial arts, Bruce Lee never takes the Buddhism out of Kung Fu.(Though considered to be a Taoist) He may deny the culture and tradition surrounded by the martial arts, but his goal is to revert back to the primary purpose of the martial art; the seeking of enlightenment. Bruce Lee’s paths towards seeking enlightenment are primarily composed of Raja Yoga and partly Jnana yoga as well. [Yoga= yoke or connecting with; from which comes the phrase becoming one, or achieving oneness]. The Raja yoga is the path from which martial arts came. Many forms of practicing this ishta (path) are used today, Kung Fu and its counterparts, yoga [a form of stretching and overcoming physical feats], Tai Chi, various monk practices and more. Raja yoga is also known as “the way to ‘God’ through Psychophysical Exercise". Many of its uses {still considered spiritual} are for relaxation, and meditation. A technique all martial arts have used. Bruce Lee teaches to be like water, and displays the many varieties and uses that water can take on. This is the same idea of achieving pure energy, for which all ishtas aim. Bruce Lee, in Enter the Dragon, reenacts a famous Zen Buddhist tale called “The Art of Fighting without Fighting", showing the wisdom and control of the Buddha, and how he can win any fight effortlessly. Bruce Lee built his life around Martial Arts, and built martial arts into himself and vice versa, fully integrating himself with his chosen form of enlightenment.[There is only one form of enlightenment, yet the previous statement makes sense in that he is becoming enlightened through the form, and has achieved some enlightenment, making it that specific shape or color of the one enlightenment that everyone must eventually reach.] The second Yoga that Bruce Lee uses is Jnana, “the way to God through Knowledge.” This is not nearly as evident as is his Raja path, but is constant in his life as he studies, reads, and writes on various keys to knowledge, to self-awareness and effectiveness, and to wisdom. During a point in his life when he must put physical activity to rest for a while, he takes up his quest for knowledge and studies, almost endlessly, other forms of Raja and martial Arts, as well has psychological self-help books, philosophers, and more. Buddhism also teaches that no one is bound to any particular ishta, and in fact, that it may be most efficient, and or practical to use a variety, however during the time of Hinduism and Buddhism, class systems throughout the cultures that recognized either way of thought, had classes that were often restricted to their own trades, which all seemed to fit in one of the ishta categories, making it hard for the fisherman to follow the path of Jnana, as he stuck with more practical ishtas such as Karma and Bhakta, the paths of Love and Kindness, and of Work and Dedication.
Bruce Lee
Jet Li
Jackie Chan

12/16/2004

Amphibian Druids

Filed under: — Eternal @ 1:46 am
Dream Two
My mother and I walked into a small dimly lit sit-down restaurant. It was a fancy place, fancier than to what my family is commonly accustomed. My father was out of town on business, and my brother and sister were out with their friends, respectively. It was my birthday, so my mother was taking me out for something fancy to celebrate. We entered the restaurant and approached the hostess, when I recognized the couple in front of us. My mother recognized the girl from my past. I wasn’t entirely thrilled about the idea of seeing these two together, or seeing her at all. The hostess told them that they would have to wait, looked past them, toward my mother and me, and asked if we were ready. “Party of two?” she asked, “Right this way, I’ll seat you.” This bothered me, that two old friends were being treated so poorly. I objected sternly, saying; “Why can’t you seat them?” The hostess glanced at them ashamed and nervous “umm", she thought for an excuse. My mother interjected, “Why don’t we all eat together?” I cringed inside, anything but that. The couple gladly accepted, he being the nice gentleman that he was, and she hoping to maybe catch up on old times, or so I suspected. The hostess, for whatever backwards reason, wasn’t going to allow them to eat there. Because she couldn’t upset us, for reasons beyond me, she sat the four of us.
Each of us was brought Lap-tops for meal ordering purposes. We were at a square table, the old-flame of mine sat across from me, her date, boyfriend, I’m not sure which he was, sat to my left, and my mother on my right. Following the lead of the others, trying not to make eye contact with anyone (I was not happy to be in this situation) I opened my lap-top. There was a menu icon, and a chat icon, but on the task bar, a program was already running. It had no label, so I clicked with curiosity.
A preloaded game of Diablo 2 opened on my screen. The Character under my control was a druid. Naturally, I began to fight the cows from the secret level, as this was the level I currently occupied. I started attacking, realizing that I wasn’t strong enough to take on this bunch alone, when another druid entered my view. We began slaughtering our foes together, until the other druid turned into a frog and started hopping around. This reminded me of the chickens from Counter-strike, but I’d never seen this kind of thing in Diablo 2 before. I tried my Lycanthropy power, which normally turns the druid into a werewolf. But where Lycanthropy is usually listed it said Amphibthropy. I pressed the button and watched as my character became a frog. By this time, the enemies were dead, lucky for us since there seemed to be no attack moves for the frogs. By this time I looked around the table, but everyone seemed to be focused on their screens, and took no concern in my playing video games. There was no sound, so it didn’t really cause anyone to notice.
I looked back at the screen and noticed that the other frog was trying to play leap-frog with me. I tried to flee, but it seemed to be playing with me. It chased me across the barren level filled with bovine corpses and unclaimed spoils of war. Then a message appeared on the screen, it read:

Amphibian Druid: This reminds me of that time on the trampoline ;)

Here she was, sitting across from me, with this guy, flirting with me…when she was the one who rejected me, the one who dumped me, and the one who broke MY heart. I looked up from my screen and saw her smiling, I glared at her making clear eye-contact, and typed the word “Bitch", pressed send, and closed my lap-top firmly. My glaring eyes had not left hers, and my mother raised her head from her computer and asked sweetly, “Are you ready order, dear?” The fell to the dark side as anger overtook me. I awoke, brows furrowed and eyes burning in a hot read glare.*

* I think the best way to describe the look in my eyes and on my face at that time would be either from the movie Eyes Wide Shut, Tom Cruise’ face when Nicole Kidman tells him her dream about fucking other men, or the look on Tom Cruise’ face in Magnolia when he is being interviewed, and delivers the line “I’m quietly judging you.”

12/13/2004

First love and Best Friend

Filed under: — Eternal @ 1:30 am
This is what it’s like when worlds collide.
My name is Cell Fish, for short. So the story goes. My first mistake was dreaming that night. My first love, a love that was mine–mine alone for the most part, was at my house in honor of my birthday. There she was to surprise me along with my best friend.
We just wanted to throw this little get together of old friends for you in honor of your birthday. My first love that for some reason I still resented was there hand in hand in a more than platonic manner with my life-long best friend, The Rock Star. The bastard! I thought.
How could he do this to me, bringing this finely tuned bladed instrument of destruction to my home, and waving it around my previous scars? Bastard! Moreover, Bitch! I thought to myself, Cell F., what is the matter with you? I thought you were over her. Yeah, well I thought so too, my self responded.
And I was over her, as long as I never had to see her or talk to her. Every time I glanced at her I wanted her again. The pain and longing came back like a hurricane to rock my world once more. There she was, deeply in love with my friend, laughing and loving him, the way I had always hoped she would do so with me.
I was over her, but what did she see in my friend? What did I see in my friend? Nothing, I thought. I just love The Rock Star that’s all. Lately he’s been going through some tough times and through the dumps, and I wouldn’t desire to be him or have him in any way. I just love him because my love for him is unconditional, the way I love my parents. They could stab me in the back. Perhaps rip out my liver and feed it to me through a straw, but I’d still love them, angry though I may seem.
I saw them drinking and laughing, but I couldn’t confront them. She was far too easy going compared to the gal I once knew. Yet I know I ripped her feelings for me in two when she found that the person she had always thought I was never existed and was merely a muneca para la gente, a puppet for the crowd. I guess I just didn’t know who the real me was either. So I tried on several masks while trying to gain her love, like I was at the fitting room trying to gain approval on a costume to wear.
She didn’t want anyone. And I would soon find out why. A time and a half after I had begun my quest for the love of Kali, I gave her up for good. It took me several lesser times to repair my wounded heart, and I don’t think I really repaired it. I just found other objects to base my obsessions upon. My head cleared up and I realized that she was not everything I had imagined her to be, yet even today I believe she has the potential to be everything she will most likely not become. This is simply because she is afraid to risk, afraid to lose and for all this she will not overcome. I on the other hand am a dreamer. I hold to the bohemian ideals of truth, beauty, and above all else, love.
Now as I was on my way to mentioning, I have a theory that the guy who broke her heart, the one she once fell in love with, who broke her heart by beginning a quest of his own, though it may have been a coming of age quest, a necessary one in his tribe; he is returning in a small time now, and she has been waiting for him…Bastard! Damn, I’m a jealous soul. I should want her to be happy, but for some reason, I want every unmarried girl I meet to fall in love with me or at least with who I am. Hell, married women as well. I just want everyone to love me. I don’t remember much of what else happened…it probably didn’t include me…I just know that it hurt like hell.

12/10/2004

Kali: Goddess of Fear

Filed under: — Eternal @ 1:27 am
I, Rakavija, was once a powerful demon, an Oni so powerful even the gods could not face me. But that was back when my chin pressed against my chest just to see the world beneath my hammered hoofed feet. Brahma granted this, my wish; to gain power through my own bloodshed, but were I wiser I’d have wished more carefully. Every god that brought a weapon against my flesh either fell to my blood, or fled for their lives. Each attack I sustained fed the fire within me and the rage accumulated. I slaughtered hordes of men, expired small armies of spirits, and a few of the ancients lie in my wake as well.
As the battle raged on, a goddess, knowing my secret wishes, and my bond with Brahma, rode through air on the back of a great lion. My lower jaw dropped when I saw her. All at once she was both a vision of beauty and of terror. The pounding of my heart brought tremors to earth below. She was inhumanly light-skinned, a vision of purity and truth, the truth that might bring my death. She had the wildest Blue-Green Eyes like that of a Forest Mononoke, awestruck as she stared into my tremulous dark soul, my sword in hand fell to my side, the veins bursting from my scaly red forearm. Her long blonde hair flailed sensually through the air. And with my eyes upon hers, I noticed her lips begin to move, and all at once a powerful voice that only a goddess could have burst from her lips, and though she spoke only slightly above a whisper, her words echoed forcefully through my body, across the plains, and rolled like thunder over the mountaintops.

“I am the dance of death that is
behind all life
the ultimate horror
the ultimate ecstasy
I am existence
I am the dance of destruction that
will end this world
the timeless void
the formless devouring mouth
I am rebirth
Let me dance you to death
Let me dance you to life
Will you walk through your fears to dance with me?
Will you let me cut off your head
and drink your blood?
Then will you cut off mine?
Will you face all the horror
all the pain
all the sorrow
and say “yes"?
I am all that you dread
all that terrifies
I am your fear
will you meet me?”
-Unknown Author

The rest of that day, in my memory is a blur at best. Somehow, she defeated me, without trouble I gather. She drank my blood for centuries, until one day fate decided to throw a favor my way and freed me from the goddess Kali, the one that pacified my heart, the one that drained my life, and the one that still walks today.
I’ve thought a lot lately of that past love of mine. I had a crush on her then, for that moment among epochs, but since have become a far different Creature in recent years. In fact have been many different “me’s". When I think about those spirits I might visit when I return to earth again, and who I’d like to laugh with and know better, She always ends up parading through my mind on that lion of hers; sometimes basking nude in the sun with love in her eyes, and sometimes with that destructive truth in her eyes, each of her hands bearing swords who scream for the blood of yours truly.
From what I know of her, I think she and I would make good friends now. As I am not the demon I once was, but am now a gallant soldier in the infantry of truth as she, the mighty priestess, is a leader of such. However, I don’t know any goddesses or muses that I don’t flirt with. She might take my flirting to believing that I am still in love with her, or have fallen again. And, I think it’s my falling in love with her from the start that forced her to do away with me the first time I saw her. I still remember her, having spent a lifetime in her soul that time our eyes met. Many smiles and happy times she and I had shared, but many tears came as well. I caused them by falling in love with her, and a few of the tears belonged to her eyes.
I think she and I, were we descend as people, and live on the same plane of existence, would get along a lot better now. But inside I think it’s somehow best that I never deal with her again, though the reason I like to keep friendly bonds wherever I go now is that its a small world, and one can run from his pasts, but can’t hide for long.

12/7/2004

Undead Hearts

Filed under: — Eternal @ 1:03 am
On a seemingly endless quest for the legendary Alcohol Falls, Lumber Jack and The Biker knocked upon the door of the latter’s former house of women. When the door opened, a pair of beautiful tiger-eyes shone down into the biker’s soul. It was an old flame, one he had tried to put out long ago. The flame that was already dwindling on its own -had it not been for this unorthodox surprise- burst up through his lungs, and boiled -coursing through his veins. He hid the pain and love and the fear as best he could, but somehow there was an undeniable tension in the air. A tension easily ignored, but difficult to miss. She invited them in before he knew what had happened.
The Lumber Jack assumed it was just another one of The Biker’s many beautiful women he had talked about on their voyages. But to The Biker, this is, was one of the greatest. Out of hundreds of women he had wined, dined, and taken for a ride (on his Harley of course), she was one of the three that had most impacted his life. Each of those three had something to them that could not be matched, an area in which a specific form of their beauty was unique and unrelentingly powerful. This young lady’s forte was that she had the most piercingly natural purity in her eyes that shot like a harpoon from the high heavens. It leaped down one’s eyes, bursting with flavorful energy when it consumed his soul. It was a starburst far better than the candy by the same name.
The occurrence of this spiritual force between them clearly took place in another realm, on another plane of existence completely, but their eyes, mannerisms, and forced assuredness could not hide their true feelings. The Lumber Jack could see at this time that this was not just another one of Picasso’s women. There was a whole lot more behind this story, much left untold, and quite possibly much more to come. The Lumber Jack and The Biker’s souls swung together, and the Lumber Jack knew that this wasn’t just a joyous reunion for The Biker. He sensed the darkness and pain from sensitive scars. He felt that the nice chat they shared on the couch that day was digging up roses from the grave, roses that seemed to have been buried alive. Roses that the Biker was letting suffocate, but for what purpose, and at what cost?
The Biker tried to bring up the point that he was still looking for the women who had so recently lived in this house of burlesque. She was reminded that he was apparently not there to see her, as he had no idea they had moved, and that he would soon cross paths with his past again, by knocking on an old familiar door.
The Biker left that day convinced that he would choke down those past fears; some might conclude that he in fact submitted to them. But for the same reasons he had once declared their love could never bloom, nor flourish, he concluded this experience by ramming his mind shovel into the ground and fortified the depth of the grave he had tried to bury before, leaving a six foot mound of soot above the ground upon what felt to his heart to be a shallow grave. His mantra here was that these undead hearts would never again be exhumed to never again beat as one.

11/25/2004

Beside Myself

Filed under: — Eternal @ 9:42 pm
Have you ever lived a dream? I lived a dream again today. It was a dream where you are in the 3rd person camera angle; watching yourself as you walk to places, you make some decisions or carry on conversations. I wasn’t in the driver’s seat, but I was in the passenger’s seat. I was beside myself. I watched myself drive through the dream. This was real though, it merely felt like a dream. I wasn’t a navigator, just a bystander, (not an innocent bystander, because for some reason I was guilty by association.) After all, I had to be associated; it was me. It was me even though I was just kind of watching. As I watched me, I –the one who I watched- went to a party. He (I) was foolish and I wanted to jump in and take control so that he could be himself again. He was beside himself, and here I was. I saw myself chat with a young gal who I (he) could barely bring myself to talk with. I (myself) did not know what to say; I wanted to jump in and say everything that “I” could not bring myself to say. I was speechless, as was he…me. I wanted to ask her everything and tell her everything, but I (he) could not, so much as, move my lips. Some conversation that became! Eventually I did say something, but I was never allowed to jump in and say what I would have wanted to say if I were me.

11/16/2004

The Love of Debate and other points.

Filed under: — Eternal @ 12:48 am
Posted in Genius AND Misogynist? community on Orkut
I originally joined this community because I read the title, and deep down inside a mild-mannered genius is struggling to get out, but sadly there is a bit of a misogynist lurking within my core as well. I took a wild ride on the feminism link above, and read all 14 pages or so. But thought I’d post here, so as not to come across as a man trying to deliberately speak his “man thoughts” in a woman’s lib forum. (Paraphrasing and perhaps twisting one person’s comment about another man). –oh and I’m American, and like many Americans am foreign to societal workings of other parts of the world, so I at some points may say things that do not apply to other countries’ situations. (I’d love to include everyone, but I choose only to speak from my personal education and experiences.)

1. I think more people want to argue, vent, and tear each other apart, than want to help each other understand his or her points of view. Are we trying to break barriers, or fortify them? Are we trying to close the gap and progress, or is that stupid question to even ask? My little view on the matters I read is that neither gender will survive without the other as the species goes…even if we could, would we really want to?
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2. My “man thought”: It seems to me that Feminism often (not always) lashes out at the opposite gender (men), by not standing for the equality of all (men and women), but solely for the progress of women in a once formidably patriarchal society. At times this is sexist, and sexism (a form of blind hate or prejudice) engenders backlash, reverberating prejudice; fueling the fires of hatred.

3. Rapists, Serial Killers, and Sociopaths alike were not born these ways. They were shaped and molded by their environments to become this way; some as early as infants. I believe everyone is responsible for their actions, and best expect to be held as such. However, my biggest concern is the lack of responsibility we, in our society, want to take for the creation of such deviants…Abuse is perhaps the key factor in the development of violent criminals, be it physical, emotional, sexual, or negligent abuse. As a society, we like to point fingers at the assailant or his/her parents, but we forget about peer abuse. (So as not to continue the rape scenario, due to its high potential for sparking emotion, consider students –even as young as first graders–who bring a gun into their school and start shooting their classmates). Though the victims may not deserve their fate, or have even been an instigator of the conflict, there is indeed a reason for why the particular victims were chosen (Victimology 101). –I have opinions on where the sickness in our society originates, but it’s a bit of an exhaustive essay.

4. Once again I was a bit disappointed that in one instance where “anonymous” was challenged by more than one source based on his area of expertise, not based on the content of his stance. If I say “2+2=4”, the validity of such a statement is totally independent of my level, area, or lack of education.

11/13/2004

Dog Gone Voyeur God

Filed under: — Eternal @ 4:08 pm
I must say, a buddy thought this was the strangest site he’d seen in a while, and sent me the link. I however have had no problem with this page, or with this problem. It was a girl talking about masturbating in front of her cat, and telling me about it. Being male, I’m sure I don’t smell like tuna when I say hi to my monster; though I must say I can carry a funk at times. I have a laid back, cute cuddly and cat-like Chihuahua. I too feel like a parental figure to him, and feel sorry for the fact that he has to watch my primal ritual. But then I remember he has no problem screwing his sister (Chihuahua) in public. So I believe his initial reaction was “oh…Master’s species must just be asexual.” And of course it got the point (he’s at my side whenever I’m home) where he was like “here we go again.” And he turns his head away and tries to sleep. And I once thought that if there was a God, when the dog used to stare bewildered, that my dog’s eyes might just be the cameras through which god watched me. That sick Voyeur of a god!

11/10/2004

Schizophrenic Penitent Love Machine

Filed under: — Eternal @ 3:40 pm
So, me; you’ve duct-taped your mouth shut again huh? Well, you know it’s going to hurt to remove it. Why? Why did you do that? Well, you see, your words were not fully appreciated holistically by the whole of your comrades. Also, I felt I should shut my filthy hole. Not to mention, the fact that I hadn’t taken those happy pills, and I’m a little moody. I had a lot of vodka tonight. And I had it all straight. That sucked quite a bit, as far as the taste was concerned. I’m not much into drinking hard liquor though. I just wanted to experience the feel of drinking one’s problems away. You know, kill the pain… That wasn’t to smart buddy. Yeah, we know. Well, I went to a gymnastics game today. That was pretty good! But you knew that. I suppose. You know you’re killing my soul. You know that don’t you? Yeah, I know. Our soul, or are you my soul? Anyway, I’m beginning to see feel real guilt for once -not the guilt that this world has come to understand. This isn’t a learned guilt. This is the attack of some supernatural presence on my soul; letting me know that it’s come for me, and that certain things will not be permitted. I committed adultery in my heart tonight. With my eyes I cut the clothes from those gymnasts, and with my lustful heart and mind, I raped them. I lusted after these scantily clad women. But in my thoughts I wouldn’t have called it rape. They never said no, and their bodies sure as hell said yes. But they balanced, flipped, salted, and vaulted right onto my hard horny love machine.

11/7/2004

Crash-Course Dating

Filed under: — Eternal @ 3:26 pm
From January 2000-December 2000 I dated over 70 girls. 64 of them were within the 3 months of summer. 23 of them I dated more than once. 12 I dated more than twice, 4-6 I dated several times, and 2 I still date from time to time. Everyone of them was special. I slept with one or two of them, though that was not my goal with any of them. The goal at the time was to teach myself. I had a problem of falling in love too often and too hard. So I put myself through a crash-test in love, so-to-speak. It taught me 1; There are many fish in the sea. 2; The difference between courting, dating for fun, and dating to get to know someone. 3; How and when to use each of these 4; What I want in a woman. 5; There isn’t a “one” special soul mate out there for each of us. There may be more, there may be none. 6; It taught me not to fall easily, or to fall hard. 7; It taught me to see the beauty in people for who they are, for their differences and their likenesses. Of those 70 girls, 3 years Later I know of at least 5 of them who are married now, I suspect about 12 are though. I remain single, content, and an island. One day a woman will break me free, and I’ll be an island no more. At least that’s what I’ve been told. But I’ve been told a lot of things in life…by similar people. And they’ve been wrong about me before. Don’t get me wrong though. If I find myself loved and loving, then I’ll swing. But otherwise…No go.

10/31/2000

Nickoli’s Mormon Tale

Filed under: — Eternal @ 3:12 pm
“So these missionaries show up at my door, right? They ask the usual questions, while i’m trying to watch Requiem for a Dream and it’s the final sex drugs intense scene (you better know what i’m talking about, if not, watch the goddamn movie) so i tell the missionaries they can come back, but they send some other ones because i scared them. well, these missionaries try to talk to me about miracles and i get into my paganism-ness, and they tell me that there is no such thing as magic. so i ask them how moses parted the red sea and they say that it was a miracle. I ask the difference, and they tell me god creates miracles. So i ask them how they know that god isn’t creating my miracles. They don’t come back, but they send these other missionaries who keep can’t say my name (they pronounce it with the “I” sound at the end. So i tell them that nickoli (with the “I") is a word for satan in mormon theology. they leave quickly and send other missionaries, who stalk my ass and come to my work and bring me breakfast. All in all i am not that impressed with the bravery of missionaries.”

Have you had a run in with the Mormons that you’d like to share? Ever been Mormoned? Got to http://www.mormoned.com/ to share your stories or read the testimonies of others’ experiences.