Nickoli’s Mormon Tale
“So these missionaries show up at my door, right? They ask the usual questions, while i’m trying to watch Requiem for a Dream and it’s the final sex drugs intense scene (you better know what i’m talking about, if not, watch the goddamn movie) so i tell the missionaries they can come back, but they send some other ones because i scared them. well, these missionaries try to talk to me about miracles and i get into my paganism-ness, and they tell me that there is no such thing as magic. so i ask them how moses parted the red sea and they say that it was a miracle. I ask the difference, and they tell me god creates miracles. So i ask them how they know that god isn’t creating my miracles. They don’t come back, but they send these other missionaries who keep can’t say my name (they pronounce it with the “I” sound at the end. So i tell them that nickoli (with the “I") is a word for satan in mormon theology. they leave quickly and send other missionaries, who stalk my ass and come to my work and bring me breakfast. All in all i am not that impressed with the bravery of missionaries.”
Have you had a run in with the Mormons that you’d like to share? Ever been Mormoned? Got to http://www.mormoned.com/ to share your stories or read the testimonies of others’ experiences.