11/28/2004

Mental Masturbation

Filed under: — Eternal @ 10:35 pm
You think you understand so much…yet all I can see is that you like this philosophy mode where you all of the sudden think that everything comes into absolute question. But if you’re going to do this…be prepared to live this way, otherwise you’re simply masturbating. Only talk as far as you live, or as far as you’re willing to change, or what the fuck are you doing? Gee, I like these talks You say. Yeah well, I don’t like helping you masturbate you simple fuck. If you’re just here to satisfy escapism, then I’m out of here. I find no redemption at all in wasting time with you when you have all the answers…none of which are your answers. All the while you tell me that your purpose in life is to get other people to think what you think, and for them to do the same to others. The smell is too much for me…next time wipe your ass before you let it do the talking.

11/25/2004

Beside Myself

Filed under: — Eternal @ 9:42 pm
Have you ever lived a dream? I lived a dream again today. It was a dream where you are in the 3rd person camera angle; watching yourself as you walk to places, you make some decisions or carry on conversations. I wasn’t in the driver’s seat, but I was in the passenger’s seat. I was beside myself. I watched myself drive through the dream. This was real though, it merely felt like a dream. I wasn’t a navigator, just a bystander, (not an innocent bystander, because for some reason I was guilty by association.) After all, I had to be associated; it was me. It was me even though I was just kind of watching. As I watched me, I –the one who I watched- went to a party. He (I) was foolish and I wanted to jump in and take control so that he could be himself again. He was beside himself, and here I was. I saw myself chat with a young gal who I (he) could barely bring myself to talk with. I (myself) did not know what to say; I wanted to jump in and say everything that “I” could not bring myself to say. I was speechless, as was he…me. I wanted to ask her everything and tell her everything, but I (he) could not, so much as, move my lips. Some conversation that became! Eventually I did say something, but I was never allowed to jump in and say what I would have wanted to say if I were me.

11/22/2004

Snuff the Weak

Filed under: — Eternal @ 4:23 pm
Overblown, Pompous ego-juicers
Knee-high to my belt
Eye me down from well below

Speech betrays the dwarven hulks
Impotent without their tongues;
Cowardice behind cruel masques

Ignore the ignorant; Enslave yourself
Honor void among thieves

Become the weak; and die
debasement engenders apathy
Or…
Snuff the ineffectual; And thrive.
“Everything that rises must converge”

11/19/2004

Adrenaline Cross-dressers

Filed under: — Eternal @ 4:12 pm
I must have been off a notch or two in the head that night, because I backed into a car and after seeing that no damage had been done, I took off. Your regular hit and run, though I tried to make sure I was only running if nobody saw. There may have been one witness, but I’m not too sure that he saw. I’ll know soon enough. Shortly after, I walked into a fast food joint, with a gun under my jacket. I didn’t notice till I was sitting down and enjoying the largest burrito on the menu.
Driving today, I slowed to a red light in the right turn lane. I noticed walking in my direction, on the passenger side a tall blonde with a rugged face. Damn man, that’s one ugly lady. At the same moment I was also figuring out that no, that was a dude, and the dude looks like a lady. I didn’t give it much thought; I just figured that hey, that was a guy not a girl. And I hear from a car a couple cars away from me, a redneck in a pickup, shouting out his window, “You Faggot!” I look in the rear-view mirror as I had just passed the guy, sure enough he was dressed in women’s clothing, a nice female business suit, pants though, not a skirt. Another shout from the same white-trash source sounded, “You Fucking Faggot! Get off the streets!". Still looking into the mirror I saw the transvestite do the two-armed ‘up yours’ gesture. I didn’t think much about the situation at the time, it felt like I was in a one of those shitty early 90’s movies where the viewer is supposed to relate to or understand cross dressers; to make the viewer come away with a better understanding that cross dressers, homosexuals, feminists, and yes even the racial minorities have feelings too. Well, I have nothing against cross dressers, but I do think the act is disgusting. Its the same way I feel about smokers. I have nothing against smokers, but I think smoking is disgusting. I do understand that smoking is a far more socially accepted habit/hobby or way of life, than cross-dressing, but I feel the same way about each of them. By the way, fuck society. I do feel less comfortable around cross dressers than I do homosexuals are smokers…but that’s natural for me, as well as for others since most of us are not used to being around cross dressers. Positive exposure leads to comfort.(If you don’t understand that statement for what it is, skip it, don’t over analyze it.) However, just because I am not too comfortable around new/different people/things, doesn’t mean I’m going to lash out at them. It takes a shitty person to treat others like shit, simply because they don’t understand them.

11/16/2004

The Love of Debate and other points.

Filed under: — Eternal @ 12:48 am
Posted in Genius AND Misogynist? community on Orkut
I originally joined this community because I read the title, and deep down inside a mild-mannered genius is struggling to get out, but sadly there is a bit of a misogynist lurking within my core as well. I took a wild ride on the feminism link above, and read all 14 pages or so. But thought I’d post here, so as not to come across as a man trying to deliberately speak his “man thoughts” in a woman’s lib forum. (Paraphrasing and perhaps twisting one person’s comment about another man). –oh and I’m American, and like many Americans am foreign to societal workings of other parts of the world, so I at some points may say things that do not apply to other countries’ situations. (I’d love to include everyone, but I choose only to speak from my personal education and experiences.)

1. I think more people want to argue, vent, and tear each other apart, than want to help each other understand his or her points of view. Are we trying to break barriers, or fortify them? Are we trying to close the gap and progress, or is that stupid question to even ask? My little view on the matters I read is that neither gender will survive without the other as the species goes…even if we could, would we really want to?
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2. My “man thought”: It seems to me that Feminism often (not always) lashes out at the opposite gender (men), by not standing for the equality of all (men and women), but solely for the progress of women in a once formidably patriarchal society. At times this is sexist, and sexism (a form of blind hate or prejudice) engenders backlash, reverberating prejudice; fueling the fires of hatred.

3. Rapists, Serial Killers, and Sociopaths alike were not born these ways. They were shaped and molded by their environments to become this way; some as early as infants. I believe everyone is responsible for their actions, and best expect to be held as such. However, my biggest concern is the lack of responsibility we, in our society, want to take for the creation of such deviants…Abuse is perhaps the key factor in the development of violent criminals, be it physical, emotional, sexual, or negligent abuse. As a society, we like to point fingers at the assailant or his/her parents, but we forget about peer abuse. (So as not to continue the rape scenario, due to its high potential for sparking emotion, consider students –even as young as first graders–who bring a gun into their school and start shooting their classmates). Though the victims may not deserve their fate, or have even been an instigator of the conflict, there is indeed a reason for why the particular victims were chosen (Victimology 101). –I have opinions on where the sickness in our society originates, but it’s a bit of an exhaustive essay.

4. Once again I was a bit disappointed that in one instance where “anonymous” was challenged by more than one source based on his area of expertise, not based on the content of his stance. If I say “2+2=4”, the validity of such a statement is totally independent of my level, area, or lack of education.

11/13/2004

Dog Gone Voyeur God

Filed under: — Eternal @ 4:08 pm
I must say, a buddy thought this was the strangest site he’d seen in a while, and sent me the link. I however have had no problem with this page, or with this problem. It was a girl talking about masturbating in front of her cat, and telling me about it. Being male, I’m sure I don’t smell like tuna when I say hi to my monster; though I must say I can carry a funk at times. I have a laid back, cute cuddly and cat-like Chihuahua. I too feel like a parental figure to him, and feel sorry for the fact that he has to watch my primal ritual. But then I remember he has no problem screwing his sister (Chihuahua) in public. So I believe his initial reaction was “oh…Master’s species must just be asexual.” And of course it got the point (he’s at my side whenever I’m home) where he was like “here we go again.” And he turns his head away and tries to sleep. And I once thought that if there was a God, when the dog used to stare bewildered, that my dog’s eyes might just be the cameras through which god watched me. That sick Voyeur of a god!

11/10/2004

Schizophrenic Penitent Love Machine

Filed under: — Eternal @ 3:40 pm
So, me; you’ve duct-taped your mouth shut again huh? Well, you know it’s going to hurt to remove it. Why? Why did you do that? Well, you see, your words were not fully appreciated holistically by the whole of your comrades. Also, I felt I should shut my filthy hole. Not to mention, the fact that I hadn’t taken those happy pills, and I’m a little moody. I had a lot of vodka tonight. And I had it all straight. That sucked quite a bit, as far as the taste was concerned. I’m not much into drinking hard liquor though. I just wanted to experience the feel of drinking one’s problems away. You know, kill the pain… That wasn’t to smart buddy. Yeah, we know. Well, I went to a gymnastics game today. That was pretty good! But you knew that. I suppose. You know you’re killing my soul. You know that don’t you? Yeah, I know. Our soul, or are you my soul? Anyway, I’m beginning to see feel real guilt for once -not the guilt that this world has come to understand. This isn’t a learned guilt. This is the attack of some supernatural presence on my soul; letting me know that it’s come for me, and that certain things will not be permitted. I committed adultery in my heart tonight. With my eyes I cut the clothes from those gymnasts, and with my lustful heart and mind, I raped them. I lusted after these scantily clad women. But in my thoughts I wouldn’t have called it rape. They never said no, and their bodies sure as hell said yes. But they balanced, flipped, salted, and vaulted right onto my hard horny love machine.

11/7/2004

Crash-Course Dating

Filed under: — Eternal @ 3:26 pm
From January 2000-December 2000 I dated over 70 girls. 64 of them were within the 3 months of summer. 23 of them I dated more than once. 12 I dated more than twice, 4-6 I dated several times, and 2 I still date from time to time. Everyone of them was special. I slept with one or two of them, though that was not my goal with any of them. The goal at the time was to teach myself. I had a problem of falling in love too often and too hard. So I put myself through a crash-test in love, so-to-speak. It taught me 1; There are many fish in the sea. 2; The difference between courting, dating for fun, and dating to get to know someone. 3; How and when to use each of these 4; What I want in a woman. 5; There isn’t a “one” special soul mate out there for each of us. There may be more, there may be none. 6; It taught me not to fall easily, or to fall hard. 7; It taught me to see the beauty in people for who they are, for their differences and their likenesses. Of those 70 girls, 3 years Later I know of at least 5 of them who are married now, I suspect about 12 are though. I remain single, content, and an island. One day a woman will break me free, and I’ll be an island no more. At least that’s what I’ve been told. But I’ve been told a lot of things in life…by similar people. And they’ve been wrong about me before. Don’t get me wrong though. If I find myself loved and loving, then I’ll swing. But otherwise…No go.

11/4/2004

Writing through the block

Filed under: — Eternal @ 3:15 pm
writing shit upon my page
not really writing anyway

there once was a time I could write, son
lost all originality and then some
I can’t think straight for the life of me
and I’ll never write a line of poetry
but then I look up
at what I’ve written here
A few alliterations
dumb dogs -Dalmatians
and I’m hilt for sword spewing forth synecdoche
not know what to say
struggling all day
writing my way
to when my words will surely pay
pay day.
When I’ve finally written a book
I can flip back and look
at what an artist I’ve become
if I don’t soon find my style
I’ll be poor more than a while
and we’ll go hungry, son

11/1/2004

Three’s a Crowd & The Rise of Personality Multiplicity

Filed under: — Eternal @ 2:55 pm
Roll Call.
Speak up when present.
Don’t all talk at once

There are those people who seem to fair well on their own
And there are those who feel that it takes two to be complete.

Times will come when you have to cope on your own,
And there are times when you’ll have or need help

Some will bring out the best in you
And some will bring you down

Sometimes there just isn’t enough room
In my case, there were three of us;
Holed up in one room

Before I arrived, this was an icy hell, sad and dry.
I warmed things up a bit, But it was still dark; the way I like it.

My roommate never spoke much, and was pretty passive.
He never left his corner. I knew he knew that I was here.
But he didn’t seem to care one way or another;
Just so long as my fire didn’t spread.

He even relished in my darkness

Then the new guy showed up. He carried an unbearable light.
I was furious. My Fire never gave much light, just heat.

This one brought a new life to our dwelling.
Unforgivable. I Raged and steamed, but he ignored me.

In the new light The Native was easy to see,
and his cold gaze on the newcomer was fierce and ever-present.
But he never spoke a word.

The situation had to be dealt with.

The Native and I would just as soon leave this place to The Rookie, but there
None of us has the time enough to progress,
And we certainly get in each other’s way
We need a little more space because
Dealing with each other has become impossible
Now the question is who is to go.
None of us really like the apartment.
So each of us would be fine with leaving
If there was somewhere to go