12/31/2004

I never met a baby whose ass I couldn’t kick.

Filed under: — Eternal @ 12:42 am
So I never really loved any girl. And in return no girl ever loved me. I played the games and played at love. Most played along, but a few saw through to my indifferent, needy, selfish, carelessness beneath the mask of princes. More than those who saw through me, were those who misunderstood me. Me and my intentions. Maybe he just wants to fondle me, Uh-oh, this guy really wants to marry me or something…and other odd audacities. I don’t really want anyone. But anyone will do…Anyone beautiful…Anyone incompatible. For turmoil and tension are a must, and without the breakups and the fights and the makeup’s and…All is Inspirado. I…I need. I… Need you…to at least pretend with me even if only for a short time. I need you to inspire me. Inspire me to write, to draw, to paint, to be great. I need ups and downs to add substance to my nothingness; the empty meaning less void that is my life…but enough with love. How about Life?

How about life? Meh. Living’s overrated. To think that this is all there is. Sixty or so years of eating, sleeping, and watching movies then you’re 6 feet below. And all that you learned and all that you thought and all that you were…deleted. They still take their place on the continuous rift of time, but at this point in time, they are nil. Eat, Sleep, Computer, Movies…at least that’s my life. Sure I could get an education, a job, get married and have kids. Education today…psshh what a joke. And a job? Who wants to spend the short time we have in life making the rich man richer? Sorry Bub, I enjoy life too much. Marriage, yeah but then you’ve got to commit. Commit to change, to invasion of space, of personality, to work. And then what if she decides she wants Children. Don’t even get me started on Children. “Dear, why on earth would we have children? That is so nineteen fifties. Nobody’s having children these days. Absolutely out of the question, I mean, its absurd.” So… what if I’m wrong about it all ending here?

So lets give afterlife a shot. So first, what is this heaven thing? Well it sounds to me like its all fishing, beer, sex, drawing, and comic books….now that would be heavenly. But seriously; a place that’s perfect? I’m sorry but a place like that can’t exist. First of all, no human would ever make it in. To be human is to be flawed. And there in lies the beauty of humanity. Hot chicks wouldn’t be hot if there were no ugly chicks, or even chicks that were just somehow less hot. The perfect world is the ever changing fucked up world in which we currently reside. This is why I like the idea of reincarnation. Our life just doesn’t get deleted. It gets stored away in the soul memory. Now this could become very dangerous, I know. Perhaps you die a horrible way in one life. Well in the next few, you’ll always be scarred by or fearsome of whatever horrors caused your mishap. This torment might travel from one life to the next based on the damage of the soul. But honestly, that loses something in it…the whole sequel idea. I’m no fan of the stardust theory, but if I die. And eventually all earth life as well. I hope that the matter our corpses leave behind will be able to create some sort of new life or become a part of something further down the Tran dimensional time line of all that is, was, and will be. Now there is something glorifying in the humanistic view of one life to live. One shot at greatness. Often those who believe this is it, make the most of life. Teaching humility and contentment…Buddha and Jesus, and their super best friends…they taught the weak be happy in their places, and the rest to be stoners/potheads. They were taught to be content and not to achieve greatness, for someone else achieved greatness for them. …fun, fantastic…and weak like babies.

Comment by TigerSpice 2/22/2005:
Since the order of the world is shaped by death, mightn’t it be better for God if we refuse to believe in Him, and struggle with all our might against death without raising our eyes towards the heaven where He sits in silence?

12/28/2004

Changeling’s Chronological Challenge

Filed under: — Eternal @ 5:13 am
To the pain.
To live a long life unable to draw or write or read.
Without these three I’d be nothing more than animal.
–A man’s man who cries when no one sees him
And he writes poetry. Like a fucking…woman.
–A disgrace to old-world men.

Tempora mutantur, et nos mutamur in illis.
The new-world man is a pussy, And he fears thought.
The old-world man feared knowledge and intellect.
What will the next generation bring?
Lineages of sorting out the artists from the machines.
The artists then become machines to provide art within the lives of the machine-men.

The thought is new and yet familiar to me.
I can’t see whether we change for the worse, for the better, or if we even change at all.
And is it unchanging that we constantly change, or is it unchanging that we change not at all?
Now it rambles here in circles and is a poor mans logic, argument and discussion.
But I want to know. And I’m trying to sift something from the piles of shit.
But maybe that’s a fecophiliac’s excuse. Meh.
To the Change.

Imagine
No possessions. No religion too? Its hard to Imagine.
Well, it’s easy if you try, dick.
And every man did what was right in his own eyes.
Quod licet Iovi non licet bovi.
I didn’t break the law. I Am the Law.
I am the great “I Am”
Nosce te ipsum!
Everything that rises must converge.
All roads led into one and a river runs through it.

Yesterday upon the stair I met a man who wasn’t there.
How do you fair on your walk with God?
-confusion- Haven’t you heard? God is Dead.
I can’t imagine life without God.
Mundus vult decipi, ergo decipiatur.
The wise man built his house upon the rock
The Foolish man built his life upon a thought.
I think the Matrix can be more real than this world.
Why are you wearing that silly man suit?
Why, oh why, didn’t I take the blue pill?
I was cured alright…
All I have to do here is pull a plug
You shall know the truth. And the Truth shall set you free!
I’m trying to free your mind.
All I can do is show you the door; The rest is up to you.
And the life built on God went SPLAT

But where’s your sense of right and wrong?
Quod natura non sunt turpia.
Ah, Morality. The last bastion of human stupidity.
Others may decide to let others decide how to live their lives..
But I’ve decided that I’ll decide how to live my own.
Beyond Good and Evil The Virtue of Selfishness –Evolves.
Evolve or Die.

Natural Selection isn’t about Survival of the Fittest.
Or how only the strong shall survive. Or even who
can adapt best to their environment. Its about who
is most cockroach-like. Who can breed multitudes
despite race, creed, or financial status. Because as
long as technology keeps mankind alive just long
enough for the weak, poor, and the ugly to breed
hordes, while the strong, rich, beautiful and the
educated reserve themselves, the weak breeders
shall flourish. The most cockroach-like will survive.
They may even look the part of the roach by the time
the rest of mankind, as we know it, has expired.
And when you see one, you’ll know there are millions nearby.
Stultorum infinitus est numerus.
The Horror
The Horror
Thats the way the world ends.
Damn dirty apes! They blew it up!
Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Why don’t you all just…fade away.

Post tenebras lux.
I cannot save you. I can’t even save myself.
Close cover before striking.
The best defense is a good offense.
This is what we call a preemptive strike.
Fight. Win. Prevail.
Si vis pacem, para bellum.

12/25/2004

Ressurecreational Tales

Filed under: — Eternal @ 2:47 pm
Undead Jesus
at second light of day, that’s night
all god’s men are one, the same, insane
moonlit twilight, betray though it might
animals, nameless, untrained nor tame
purity, laid bare for the mask unveiled
by the evil it enshrouds,
the dark lord dost ensnare humanity
is lost and truths come to light,
unhandled and bright,
the savior from eternal strife,
risen from death…but not quite…to life.

12/22/2004

The Kung Fu Gods

Filed under: — Eternal @ 1:24 am
Bruce Lee, Jet Li, and Jackie Chan; in my opinion, are the gods of Martial Arts. Despite the plentitude of great Martial Artists unknown to me, out of the famous Martial Artists, these three are king. I have found that wherever martial arts are found in movies, Kung Fu, and the Chinese seem to dominate. Jackie Chan and his Chinese Opera friends have always been into entertainment at the slapstick level. Bruce Lee has always been major part in everything involved in the movies he’s starred in. He took roles in which he thought some sort of learning experience or moral was taught with every action. Bruce Lee also moved towards teaching his own views of the way of Martial Arts toward the end of his career. Jet Li seems to take various roles across the board, always portraying Jet Li as The Man, or The Master.
The Least of these men in my opinion is Jackie Chan. His training in Peking Opera forms the structure of all his movies, allowing for his balance, acrobatics, timing, and martial arts to shine through superb choreography. Jackie Chan is fast and entertaining. He stands as the role model in choreographed Hollywood style Martial Arts. One beautiful part about Jackie Chan is that he has come to the point where he choreographs his own fights and movies; in order to give his fight scenes originality and beauty.
Jet Li is a god of the art of Kung Fu. The various other techniques he’s also mastered, or at least shines in, include Weapons Training and Wushu. Jet Li is the master of Kung Fu in speed, agility, and especially in form. His form and technique are as beautiful and correct as one could hope for. The disappointing aspect of some of Jet Li’s films is the most obvious use of ropes for the stunts Jet Li performs. Though the use of ropes may simply be used to help with balance and act as safeguards in case of necessity, its use in doing moves that look utterly impossible without ropes is disappointing. However, Jet Li’s Wushu stunts are performed as amazingly as his Kung Fu, but mixed with a very original style of Chinese Opera, can at time make ropes necessary, though overwhelming; destroying any realism of the visual realm. Jet Li, maintains status, in my eyes, as an overall Kung Fu god.
I recognize Bruce Lee as the god of Martial Arts, challenging the tradition and unity of the past, and of Kung Fu and its counterpart martial arts, to surpass greatness to a nuance of the supernatural, a glimpse of the Uberman. Many philosophers, teachers, and leaders encourage and challenge others to achieve heightened states seemingly beyond human capacity, but Bruce Lee was the exception that had achieved what he taught. Bruce Lee mastered, dismantled, and became one with multiple martial arts, finding and teaching that the techniques were useful, but to live by a technique, though it may bring one to greatness, will limit him, by that same technique from achieving his potential.
In mastering, revamping, and reusing various martial arts, Bruce Lee never takes the Buddhism out of Kung Fu.(Though considered to be a Taoist) He may deny the culture and tradition surrounded by the martial arts, but his goal is to revert back to the primary purpose of the martial art; the seeking of enlightenment. Bruce Lee’s paths towards seeking enlightenment are primarily composed of Raja Yoga and partly Jnana yoga as well. [Yoga= yoke or connecting with; from which comes the phrase becoming one, or achieving oneness]. The Raja yoga is the path from which martial arts came. Many forms of practicing this ishta (path) are used today, Kung Fu and its counterparts, yoga [a form of stretching and overcoming physical feats], Tai Chi, various monk practices and more. Raja yoga is also known as “the way to ‘God’ through Psychophysical Exercise". Many of its uses {still considered spiritual} are for relaxation, and meditation. A technique all martial arts have used. Bruce Lee teaches to be like water, and displays the many varieties and uses that water can take on. This is the same idea of achieving pure energy, for which all ishtas aim. Bruce Lee, in Enter the Dragon, reenacts a famous Zen Buddhist tale called “The Art of Fighting without Fighting", showing the wisdom and control of the Buddha, and how he can win any fight effortlessly. Bruce Lee built his life around Martial Arts, and built martial arts into himself and vice versa, fully integrating himself with his chosen form of enlightenment.[There is only one form of enlightenment, yet the previous statement makes sense in that he is becoming enlightened through the form, and has achieved some enlightenment, making it that specific shape or color of the one enlightenment that everyone must eventually reach.] The second Yoga that Bruce Lee uses is Jnana, “the way to God through Knowledge.” This is not nearly as evident as is his Raja path, but is constant in his life as he studies, reads, and writes on various keys to knowledge, to self-awareness and effectiveness, and to wisdom. During a point in his life when he must put physical activity to rest for a while, he takes up his quest for knowledge and studies, almost endlessly, other forms of Raja and martial Arts, as well has psychological self-help books, philosophers, and more. Buddhism also teaches that no one is bound to any particular ishta, and in fact, that it may be most efficient, and or practical to use a variety, however during the time of Hinduism and Buddhism, class systems throughout the cultures that recognized either way of thought, had classes that were often restricted to their own trades, which all seemed to fit in one of the ishta categories, making it hard for the fisherman to follow the path of Jnana, as he stuck with more practical ishtas such as Karma and Bhakta, the paths of Love and Kindness, and of Work and Dedication.
Bruce Lee
Jet Li
Jackie Chan

12/19/2004

War on Terrorism: The Hunt for Bin Laden

Filed under: — Eternal @ 1:08 am
Is what is righteous for a man righteous for a nation?
Is what is righteous for a nation righteous for a man?

Jesus taught to turn the other cheek (Matthew 5:39 NIV. But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.). So it is then righteous to turn the other cheek is it not? I have heard interpretations that Jesus’ “Parable” Doesn’t necessarily mean that if one were attacked that he should not fight back. However, Jesus lived a life of “perfection” and when made to suffer consequences of blasphemy, unjust as the accusations may have been, he did not fight any of the guards or any of his persecutors. True, he may have simply been carrying out prophesy, but the fact is that he led an example for us in the life that he lived. His life was an example that Christians, followers of Christ and his example, should try to mimic in their thoughts as well as their actions. Shouldn’t a Christian then live Peaceful with a man as far he can? (Romans 12:18 NIV If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone). And when he cannot keep the peace, let it be the other person that does not keep the peace. What I then want to know; if it is right for a man to turn the other cheek–as not only Jesus’ words declared, but his actions exemplified as well– is it not right for a country, when attacked by a Terrorist cause, to turn the other cheek rather than declaring war on that man, and any nation that harbors him. Sure, God has set authorities in place of others. (Romans 13:1 NIV Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God.) But when one nation attacks another nation, as one man would attack another man, where is the Christ like quality of turning the other cheek in the act of attacking back/retaliating? People tell me, “Chris, we have to defend ourselves (Declare war wherein many “innocents” will be slaughtered)…or else every country will mock us and attack us more because we appear weak.” What is it to Christians if they die following Christ’s example? In the eyes of God is it not the strong one who does not retaliate violently? (Matthew 5:9-10 NIV Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.) Vengeance is the Lord’s and He will repay. (Romans 12:17-19, 21 NIV Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.) What is it to the Christian people if they do the greater good by fulfilling spiritual merit as opposed to not having other nations think them weak?

Is what is righteous for a man righteous for a nation?
Is what is righteous for a nation righteous for a man?

Divine Intervention/ Sovereignty
Someone may say, “It was right for God’s chosen people, the Israelites to go to war with
other nations, causing destruction, death, and mayhem in the name of God. In fact,
He commanded the Israelites to do this.” Well, when we look at the Bible, the story
gives us the information clearly that they acted so by the will and power of God. And,
under the mythology of the Old Testament, with the presupposition that what the book says is true, we know that it is true that God commanded these actions, making it righteous. In such an instant today, it is not fully clear that God wants people to go to war with anyone. One may say that God has allowed for the establishment of the authorities to govern on earth within various cultures, in various ways, but who here on earth has the Sovereignty (Right of Rule) to determine whether or not it is ‘right’ to declare war on anyone. (Especially given that we have directs words of Jesus telling us that we are to live at peace, not to harm anyone, not to retaliate, and to overcome evil with good. Is it not doing right to live a Christ-like life? Sure, there are many people who can and do make the decision of whether or not to go to war, but can they discern wars and causes are truly the will of God and what wars are purely for Revenge, Justice or some ulterior cause? (Justice meaning: a man taking vengeance into his own hands when vengeance belongs to the Lord.) If there is someone with this inerrant ability to discern, they must truly have had the benefit of God revealing Himself to the person or well endowed with schizophrenic hallucinations. For this ability to be inerrant, it has to be something that happened, not just that he has faith that he knows the “person of God” but that he truly does, through some direct divine revelation. (Is there any other way of being able to truly know, not that one could necessarily trust his or her own senses, but if they had an experience that could not be forgotten, forgiven or ignored, something from without or from within that made them able to know for certain, without making a leap of faith in the testimony of words, or the testimony of someone else’s experience.
However, if we can presuppose that what the Bible says about God and the Israelites marauding being righteous, why can’t we go around presupposing that God has led us to act in such a manor as well?

12/16/2004

Amphibian Druids

Filed under: — Eternal @ 1:46 am
Dream Two
My mother and I walked into a small dimly lit sit-down restaurant. It was a fancy place, fancier than to what my family is commonly accustomed. My father was out of town on business, and my brother and sister were out with their friends, respectively. It was my birthday, so my mother was taking me out for something fancy to celebrate. We entered the restaurant and approached the hostess, when I recognized the couple in front of us. My mother recognized the girl from my past. I wasn’t entirely thrilled about the idea of seeing these two together, or seeing her at all. The hostess told them that they would have to wait, looked past them, toward my mother and me, and asked if we were ready. “Party of two?” she asked, “Right this way, I’ll seat you.” This bothered me, that two old friends were being treated so poorly. I objected sternly, saying; “Why can’t you seat them?” The hostess glanced at them ashamed and nervous “umm", she thought for an excuse. My mother interjected, “Why don’t we all eat together?” I cringed inside, anything but that. The couple gladly accepted, he being the nice gentleman that he was, and she hoping to maybe catch up on old times, or so I suspected. The hostess, for whatever backwards reason, wasn’t going to allow them to eat there. Because she couldn’t upset us, for reasons beyond me, she sat the four of us.
Each of us was brought Lap-tops for meal ordering purposes. We were at a square table, the old-flame of mine sat across from me, her date, boyfriend, I’m not sure which he was, sat to my left, and my mother on my right. Following the lead of the others, trying not to make eye contact with anyone (I was not happy to be in this situation) I opened my lap-top. There was a menu icon, and a chat icon, but on the task bar, a program was already running. It had no label, so I clicked with curiosity.
A preloaded game of Diablo 2 opened on my screen. The Character under my control was a druid. Naturally, I began to fight the cows from the secret level, as this was the level I currently occupied. I started attacking, realizing that I wasn’t strong enough to take on this bunch alone, when another druid entered my view. We began slaughtering our foes together, until the other druid turned into a frog and started hopping around. This reminded me of the chickens from Counter-strike, but I’d never seen this kind of thing in Diablo 2 before. I tried my Lycanthropy power, which normally turns the druid into a werewolf. But where Lycanthropy is usually listed it said Amphibthropy. I pressed the button and watched as my character became a frog. By this time, the enemies were dead, lucky for us since there seemed to be no attack moves for the frogs. By this time I looked around the table, but everyone seemed to be focused on their screens, and took no concern in my playing video games. There was no sound, so it didn’t really cause anyone to notice.
I looked back at the screen and noticed that the other frog was trying to play leap-frog with me. I tried to flee, but it seemed to be playing with me. It chased me across the barren level filled with bovine corpses and unclaimed spoils of war. Then a message appeared on the screen, it read:

Amphibian Druid: This reminds me of that time on the trampoline ;)

Here she was, sitting across from me, with this guy, flirting with me…when she was the one who rejected me, the one who dumped me, and the one who broke MY heart. I looked up from my screen and saw her smiling, I glared at her making clear eye-contact, and typed the word “Bitch", pressed send, and closed my lap-top firmly. My glaring eyes had not left hers, and my mother raised her head from her computer and asked sweetly, “Are you ready order, dear?” The fell to the dark side as anger overtook me. I awoke, brows furrowed and eyes burning in a hot read glare.*

* I think the best way to describe the look in my eyes and on my face at that time would be either from the movie Eyes Wide Shut, Tom Cruise’ face when Nicole Kidman tells him her dream about fucking other men, or the look on Tom Cruise’ face in Magnolia when he is being interviewed, and delivers the line “I’m quietly judging you.”

12/13/2004

First love and Best Friend

Filed under: — Eternal @ 1:30 am
This is what it’s like when worlds collide.
My name is Cell Fish, for short. So the story goes. My first mistake was dreaming that night. My first love, a love that was mine–mine alone for the most part, was at my house in honor of my birthday. There she was to surprise me along with my best friend.
We just wanted to throw this little get together of old friends for you in honor of your birthday. My first love that for some reason I still resented was there hand in hand in a more than platonic manner with my life-long best friend, The Rock Star. The bastard! I thought.
How could he do this to me, bringing this finely tuned bladed instrument of destruction to my home, and waving it around my previous scars? Bastard! Moreover, Bitch! I thought to myself, Cell F., what is the matter with you? I thought you were over her. Yeah, well I thought so too, my self responded.
And I was over her, as long as I never had to see her or talk to her. Every time I glanced at her I wanted her again. The pain and longing came back like a hurricane to rock my world once more. There she was, deeply in love with my friend, laughing and loving him, the way I had always hoped she would do so with me.
I was over her, but what did she see in my friend? What did I see in my friend? Nothing, I thought. I just love The Rock Star that’s all. Lately he’s been going through some tough times and through the dumps, and I wouldn’t desire to be him or have him in any way. I just love him because my love for him is unconditional, the way I love my parents. They could stab me in the back. Perhaps rip out my liver and feed it to me through a straw, but I’d still love them, angry though I may seem.
I saw them drinking and laughing, but I couldn’t confront them. She was far too easy going compared to the gal I once knew. Yet I know I ripped her feelings for me in two when she found that the person she had always thought I was never existed and was merely a muneca para la gente, a puppet for the crowd. I guess I just didn’t know who the real me was either. So I tried on several masks while trying to gain her love, like I was at the fitting room trying to gain approval on a costume to wear.
She didn’t want anyone. And I would soon find out why. A time and a half after I had begun my quest for the love of Kali, I gave her up for good. It took me several lesser times to repair my wounded heart, and I don’t think I really repaired it. I just found other objects to base my obsessions upon. My head cleared up and I realized that she was not everything I had imagined her to be, yet even today I believe she has the potential to be everything she will most likely not become. This is simply because she is afraid to risk, afraid to lose and for all this she will not overcome. I on the other hand am a dreamer. I hold to the bohemian ideals of truth, beauty, and above all else, love.
Now as I was on my way to mentioning, I have a theory that the guy who broke her heart, the one she once fell in love with, who broke her heart by beginning a quest of his own, though it may have been a coming of age quest, a necessary one in his tribe; he is returning in a small time now, and she has been waiting for him…Bastard! Damn, I’m a jealous soul. I should want her to be happy, but for some reason, I want every unmarried girl I meet to fall in love with me or at least with who I am. Hell, married women as well. I just want everyone to love me. I don’t remember much of what else happened…it probably didn’t include me…I just know that it hurt like hell.

12/10/2004

Kali: Goddess of Fear

Filed under: — Eternal @ 1:27 am
I, Rakavija, was once a powerful demon, an Oni so powerful even the gods could not face me. But that was back when my chin pressed against my chest just to see the world beneath my hammered hoofed feet. Brahma granted this, my wish; to gain power through my own bloodshed, but were I wiser I’d have wished more carefully. Every god that brought a weapon against my flesh either fell to my blood, or fled for their lives. Each attack I sustained fed the fire within me and the rage accumulated. I slaughtered hordes of men, expired small armies of spirits, and a few of the ancients lie in my wake as well.
As the battle raged on, a goddess, knowing my secret wishes, and my bond with Brahma, rode through air on the back of a great lion. My lower jaw dropped when I saw her. All at once she was both a vision of beauty and of terror. The pounding of my heart brought tremors to earth below. She was inhumanly light-skinned, a vision of purity and truth, the truth that might bring my death. She had the wildest Blue-Green Eyes like that of a Forest Mononoke, awestruck as she stared into my tremulous dark soul, my sword in hand fell to my side, the veins bursting from my scaly red forearm. Her long blonde hair flailed sensually through the air. And with my eyes upon hers, I noticed her lips begin to move, and all at once a powerful voice that only a goddess could have burst from her lips, and though she spoke only slightly above a whisper, her words echoed forcefully through my body, across the plains, and rolled like thunder over the mountaintops.

“I am the dance of death that is
behind all life
the ultimate horror
the ultimate ecstasy
I am existence
I am the dance of destruction that
will end this world
the timeless void
the formless devouring mouth
I am rebirth
Let me dance you to death
Let me dance you to life
Will you walk through your fears to dance with me?
Will you let me cut off your head
and drink your blood?
Then will you cut off mine?
Will you face all the horror
all the pain
all the sorrow
and say “yes"?
I am all that you dread
all that terrifies
I am your fear
will you meet me?”
-Unknown Author

The rest of that day, in my memory is a blur at best. Somehow, she defeated me, without trouble I gather. She drank my blood for centuries, until one day fate decided to throw a favor my way and freed me from the goddess Kali, the one that pacified my heart, the one that drained my life, and the one that still walks today.
I’ve thought a lot lately of that past love of mine. I had a crush on her then, for that moment among epochs, but since have become a far different Creature in recent years. In fact have been many different “me’s". When I think about those spirits I might visit when I return to earth again, and who I’d like to laugh with and know better, She always ends up parading through my mind on that lion of hers; sometimes basking nude in the sun with love in her eyes, and sometimes with that destructive truth in her eyes, each of her hands bearing swords who scream for the blood of yours truly.
From what I know of her, I think she and I would make good friends now. As I am not the demon I once was, but am now a gallant soldier in the infantry of truth as she, the mighty priestess, is a leader of such. However, I don’t know any goddesses or muses that I don’t flirt with. She might take my flirting to believing that I am still in love with her, or have fallen again. And, I think it’s my falling in love with her from the start that forced her to do away with me the first time I saw her. I still remember her, having spent a lifetime in her soul that time our eyes met. Many smiles and happy times she and I had shared, but many tears came as well. I caused them by falling in love with her, and a few of the tears belonged to her eyes.
I think she and I, were we descend as people, and live on the same plane of existence, would get along a lot better now. But inside I think it’s somehow best that I never deal with her again, though the reason I like to keep friendly bonds wherever I go now is that its a small world, and one can run from his pasts, but can’t hide for long.

12/7/2004

Undead Hearts

Filed under: — Eternal @ 1:03 am
On a seemingly endless quest for the legendary Alcohol Falls, Lumber Jack and The Biker knocked upon the door of the latter’s former house of women. When the door opened, a pair of beautiful tiger-eyes shone down into the biker’s soul. It was an old flame, one he had tried to put out long ago. The flame that was already dwindling on its own -had it not been for this unorthodox surprise- burst up through his lungs, and boiled -coursing through his veins. He hid the pain and love and the fear as best he could, but somehow there was an undeniable tension in the air. A tension easily ignored, but difficult to miss. She invited them in before he knew what had happened.
The Lumber Jack assumed it was just another one of The Biker’s many beautiful women he had talked about on their voyages. But to The Biker, this is, was one of the greatest. Out of hundreds of women he had wined, dined, and taken for a ride (on his Harley of course), she was one of the three that had most impacted his life. Each of those three had something to them that could not be matched, an area in which a specific form of their beauty was unique and unrelentingly powerful. This young lady’s forte was that she had the most piercingly natural purity in her eyes that shot like a harpoon from the high heavens. It leaped down one’s eyes, bursting with flavorful energy when it consumed his soul. It was a starburst far better than the candy by the same name.
The occurrence of this spiritual force between them clearly took place in another realm, on another plane of existence completely, but their eyes, mannerisms, and forced assuredness could not hide their true feelings. The Lumber Jack could see at this time that this was not just another one of Picasso’s women. There was a whole lot more behind this story, much left untold, and quite possibly much more to come. The Lumber Jack and The Biker’s souls swung together, and the Lumber Jack knew that this wasn’t just a joyous reunion for The Biker. He sensed the darkness and pain from sensitive scars. He felt that the nice chat they shared on the couch that day was digging up roses from the grave, roses that seemed to have been buried alive. Roses that the Biker was letting suffocate, but for what purpose, and at what cost?
The Biker tried to bring up the point that he was still looking for the women who had so recently lived in this house of burlesque. She was reminded that he was apparently not there to see her, as he had no idea they had moved, and that he would soon cross paths with his past again, by knocking on an old familiar door.
The Biker left that day convinced that he would choke down those past fears; some might conclude that he in fact submitted to them. But for the same reasons he had once declared their love could never bloom, nor flourish, he concluded this experience by ramming his mind shovel into the ground and fortified the depth of the grave he had tried to bury before, leaving a six foot mound of soot above the ground upon what felt to his heart to be a shallow grave. His mantra here was that these undead hearts would never again be exhumed to never again beat as one.

12/4/2004

Has the United States lost the love?

Filed under: — Eternal @ 11:04 pm
I imagine, although I’m sure I’m mistaken, that love used to be far easier to attain, to give, and to share. There must have been a time and place wherein people never spoke of love, and never had to, they just had it. They loved their lives, they loved their neighbors, they loved all the good and the bad that came their way, and they were loved.
I’m a dreamer sure, but I’m a realist as well as an escapist. I’m optimistic, but my glass is only one fourth full, it’s getting harder to ignore the emptiness. My fear is that in the capitalist land of the free, where the word ‘public’ means either off-limits or shitty, we have not only attained freedom from treachery and ugliness, but from glory and beauty as well. We no longer eat to live, we live to eat. Every hour of nearly every day is spent making the one or two hours to ourselves that we long for possible. I believe at one time even the work was a part of the time people longed for. People’s work served a purpose, not only in survival, but in the journey, and it enriched them.
I understand what it is to be punch-drunk love, but the more concrete; the more beautiful love is that which is born out of nurtured relationships. Grown like a redwood tree, over time, nourished and cared for, love is a relationship that binds and engenders mankind.
The world I live in, was molded and crafted by the money hungry, and the power driven, who seek always to have more because they are not content with themselves. In order to get more, they tell the people that they are worthless without such and such a product. When this started it was easily ignored, but as more bought into self-loathing, it the methods and amounts of brainwashing became more and more prevalent. Why walk when you could drive? Why drive when you could fly? Isn’t she beautiful, for 4 easy payments you can be to! Why not have louder speakers? You need a bigger television. Have more cola; Longer lasting, extra-strength, super-size, braces, glasses, acne-medications, celebrities do. 300% markup, sue them, file for a divorce, goes faster, jumps higher, holds more space, no down payment, lease, charge it, buy me.
Some environments are hard for love to grow in. It’s sparse, rare, and weak. Spoken of in terms of Redwoods and Whales, but only ever seen as twigs and guppies. I know, I know…If I don’t like it, I can geeet out! But what I can’t do is hope for it to be better.

12/1/2004

Learn to Swim

Filed under: — Eternal @ 10:42 pm
The sound of hitting bottom is painful enough.
The blood of life–A wasted life–disperses from your head.
All because you know. You think you know
about you; about me; about Life.
You show off the new dive you’ve learned.
While all can see you still can’t swim.
So you opted for the shallow end.
You hit bottom and now you’re dead
Those who watched all have learned
Dive in the deep. And learn to swim.